I thought that “Sit on My Facebook” was a fairly good and original idea for a web site spoof on Facebook but no…the idea is all over the web! Then I wondered about “Get Off on My Facebook” but that sounded weird for a guy. A quick Google scan indicates that that is not that popular.
However, check out this web site I found in which someone seems to be goofing on Facebook. It’s members are mostly dead, sadistic dictators of yore.
Sit on My Facebook Please
In the nearly five years I have been living and/or commuting in Virginia, I have written about the horrors of Route 28 which transits north/south from Route 7 in Sterling to Route 17 near Bealton. The drivers seem to be insane; changing lanes at the last minute to exit, changing lanes for no reason at all, driving slowly in the fast lane, etc.
Over the years, VDOT (Virginia Department of Transportation for those of you aren’t from the area) has done much to alleviate the congestion on this road most of which has involved overpasses and a fairly ingenious stoplight/traffic pattern at Braddock Road near Route 66. I will not speak for the nightmare of 28 South of Centreville because I don’t have to use it daily. If I did, I’d have killed myself and not written this rant.
Today, while having a beer at the aforementioned Applebees, which I never need to go to again, I heard that one of the three last major overpasses on Route 28 had been completed. One of them was finished up a few weeks ago. It was the last light prior to reaching Route 7 heading north…at Nokes Boulevard, which provides access to the Dulles Town Center Mall. There were two lights prior to that, one of which, Severn Way, provided access to my last employer. That light is now gone and the road is blocked. Now those who wish access to entities on Severn Way have to go round robin to get to the plant from Route 28.
The other light in that area seem superfluous but provides access/egress to a parking lot on the Washington and Old Dominion trail. We’ll see how long that light lasts…
The ugliness truly still exists at rush hour traveling south on Route 28 to Route 66 which is a major east/west artery in the western D.C. suburbs. Route 28 was already backing up from the Route 66 ramps to where the new overpass was just completed at Willard Road. Now, without the stoplight, all traffic is free to cruise under the overpass and back things up even further from Route 66, probably to Route 50 and points north.
This was all predicted by yours truly and others familiar with the commute. If you take out a bunch of stoplights that, albeit annoying, meter the traffic on the route, it is all going to get jammed up even worse at the next choke point(s). In this case, the choke points are: a worthless traffic light giving access to a recreational field (Ellanor C. Lawrence Park) for northbound traffic and a required light giving access to Braddock Road for northbound traffic.
And so to get to the point, I wasn’t even on Route 28 and I was afflicted. Coming out of the shopping area I was in, I tried to take a left onto Westfields Boulevard which crosses route 28 between the newly opened overpass and the Route 66. Traffic was backed up on my side for people trying to merge on to 28 south. Traffic was backed up across from me for people trying to merge on to Westfields Boulevard east to get to 28 south. Traffic was backed up on Westfields Boulevard heading SW for people trying to get to Route 29 South on a shortcut to bypass the backup on 28 south to Routes 28 and 66. Can you say goat rope?
I ordered a beer at a local Applebees. When I was ready to pay for it, I asked what the damage was. The barmaid said it was $3.15 with tax. I put a fiver on the bar and the woman had the balls to ask me if I wanted change! I said yes of course. As if I was going to tip the wench 62% on a three dollar tab. As it was, I tipped her 28%. She’s dead to me now however. I’ll never go in there again.
What a freaking cheese dick! Let’s see if I could get away with this… I am the governor of a state in the US. I tell my staff, I think, that I am going hiking on the Appalachian Trail for five days and will be out of touch. Not even my Lieutenant Governor knows how to contact me or what the chain of command is should I be unreachable, which I have already said would be the case.
To start with, I am such a conservative freak that I refuse nearly $800 million in stimulus funds from the Federal government. That should really endear me to my constituents! Then what? I am actually in Argentina with some woman I met on the Internet… I must be some kind of God!!!
Out you freaking idiot and out those who must have had some knowledge your indescretion. You all make me sick. I am struggling to find a job and you are just getting away with murder. Read it and weep.
My cat, Hamlet, who is 18.5 years old, whom I have I had for 18 years, has always had problems with constipation. Eight or ten years ago he was at the vets for xrays and a serious enema to get the poop out. After a few days at the vets, he was still hurting and the vet recommended that I bring him home to see if he would relax and pass the rest of the poop. Fortunately that did the trick. He passed a huge turd!
I have been regularly (no pun intended) giving him special food, laxatives, and fiber to keep him loose. That has generally done the trick but occasionally he has problems dropping a turd. On Monday, he was in the hurt locker. He was wandering around my apartment (read “not in the cat box”) trying to take a shit. I watched him do this for a bit. The poses he struck as he tried to do this were both humorous and painful to watch. At some points he looked like a turkey in mating season. Hard to describe but I wasn’t into taking pictures. Between trying to drop the massive gassive, he would lie down, breath heavily, and occasionally have spasms in his lower body. Plus he had a wicked hardon for whatever reason. I called the vets to ask for an urgent appointment and they were able to get Hamlet in within about 1.5 hours.
Come to find out, he has arthritis in his spine (I saw the xrays, did not look good) that is causing him pain getting around and particularly when getting in position to urinate or deficate. This makes me wonder if much of the problem he has had over the years pissing and shitting are related to arthritis that started years ago. It supposedly can set in in cats 8 to 10 years old… Once again, Hamlet is 18.5! Nonetheless, the vet gave him an enema and prescribed medication to reduce the swelling associated with the arthritis and pain killers should they be necessary.
So far Hamlet seems fine. He is not taking the huge pisses he used to take that soaked a good 25% of the cat box but still hasn’t dropped a turd. That bothers me a bit. I had planned to go down to Suffolk, VA, to hang out with my sister Kim, her husband Don, my brother Reid, and his family but decided I’d best stick around to be sure that Hamlet is okay. I also did not want to leave my sister Julie responsible for Hamlet after the incident and the new medicinal regime.
I had a couple of beers at my local watering hole, which I walk to, this evening. My tab came to $10.50. I gave the waitress $20 and she brought me back $9.00 in change. This has happened to me before in the place…usually with a relatively new waitress…but never at the bar. I called her back and asked her what the deal was. She said it was quicker to not return any "coin" change.
I was so stunned at her statement that I didn’t even ask her about the fact that she was cheating me. I did explain to her that I had planned on tipping her 2 dollars but since she had already cheated me out of 50 cents and since I personally had no change other than ones I was leaving her a dollar. That left her with a $1.50 tip instead of $2.00. In retrospect I probably should have just let her keep the 50 cents for her tip.
In the grand scheme of things that 50 cents is probably not significant to the waitress or to myself but where have people’s principles gone to? Since it was not the first time it happened, I expect they think they can get away with it. I complained to the manager about it on the way out. Perhaps the problem will be addressed… or perhaps the waitress will spit in my beer the next time I go in.
Did the reporter in this Newsweek article, Journalist who sought justice posthumously honored, dated March 30, 2009, get an award after she died or did she seek justice while she was dead? Is there a grammar expert in the house? Anyone…anyone?
My cat Hamlet, who I have commented on before, is loud. I came home from physical therapy for my knee today, got out of my car, and heard this unworldly noise. It took me a second but I realized it was Hamlet. He sounded like cat being waterboarded. When I got in my apartment, he was looking out the sliding glass doors to my balcony. He’s been know to vocalize there before. I actually stopped by the rental office to see if anyone had complained about him…
If you don’t know one of the more curious and obscure definitions of the word “taint” as regards a part of the human body, read no further. Read on if you know to which part I am referring. I just kind of liked the word’s usage in the December 31, 2008 Washington Post Op-Ed by David Broder titled, “Opportunism in Illinois.” As regards the Illinois governor’s (Blagojevitch) selection of Roland Burris to fill president-elect Barak Obama’s soon to be vacant Senate seat, Mr. Obama calls for Mr. Blagojevitch “to step down and allow a senator to be named ‘free of taint and controversy.'”
Perhaps New Hampshire will wish to change their license plates to read “Taint Free or Die….”
Just read it. From CNN.com/US. Officials: Burglar wakes men with spice rub, sausage whack